Well, this is just a little bit of my thoughts.
I love many guys. Well, I supposed call it "much" instead of "many", though it wouldn't make any sense. But the truth is, well, much guys. From the teenagers to their late 60s, from the war hero to the druggies, from the Asia to the Europe, from the actors to the lawyers. I have loved many kinds of guys. I couldn't even keep counting on how much guys I've been had a crush with.
But I don't even have a boyfriend.
People around me only know that I've got a boyfriend from the Internet. From a chat-to-stranger site. People think I had a half Russian boyfriend, who is so tall, caring, loving, patient, and willing to drove me all around the city. But the truth is, he doesn't even exist. If people are asking, "Then who's the man in your phone?" Oh my God, he's no one. I believe he doesn't even had any idea that I'm exist, because the truth is, I just snapped a picture of a stranger, somewhere inside the Youtube. He's doing that make up thing and I thought, "Oh, this would be a perfect picture of my boyfriend." So from that day, I kept watching him and taking a blur picture of him.
I know. It's truly pathetic.
I'm awkward to people. The only person I'm comfortable with is with my sister because she knew me and she accepted me no matter who I am. The impatience side of me, the kind side of me; simply, every inch of me. The other boys got big fantasies to have a relationship with cool girls, with the iPhone and everything. With the size zero body and Colgate smile. Well, I don't even have any of it. I'm just an ordinary girl. I hate myself every time I look into the mirror in the bathroom. I hate my mouth, my lips, my whole face, unless my eyebrows and my eyes. I hate the rest of my face. They're misplaced by bad genetic arrangements.
No one ever likes me. The only person who ever said he loves me is a cab driver and I'm pretty sure he's that kind of rapist who would make out to any kind of girl he met. The most ridiculous thing is, I'm still dreaming to marry the BAFTA award winner. Or the Academy Award recipient. Or the SAG. Or the Golden Globe. Or any other guy with a major success on movies and is a star in Hollywood.
My neighbor even say that my face looks like a wolf. Like a monster, that I'm not a human. He said, OMG, I still remember his line, "You're ugly. You're so ugly. You look like a wolf, like a monster. Ewh."
I don't know, but at some points, I feel like he hit the Bull's Eye.
Well, yeah, I kinda pity myself right now. My face never looks good in selfie, unlike the other cool girls who would take hundreds of selfie and love every single each of them. I have to take thousands or even millions to find a "not-ugly-selfie-of-myself". I feel like I'm done with the world. Done with everything. I cursed to my birth and I feel sorry because my mom ever waste her time just to give birth to me. I don't know. I don't know, my dear friend.
I love many guys. Well, I supposed call it "much" instead of "many", though it wouldn't make any sense. But the truth is, well, much guys. From the teenagers to their late 60s, from the war hero to the druggies, from the Asia to the Europe, from the actors to the lawyers. I have loved many kinds of guys. I couldn't even keep counting on how much guys I've been had a crush with.
But I don't even have a boyfriend.
People around me only know that I've got a boyfriend from the Internet. From a chat-to-stranger site. People think I had a half Russian boyfriend, who is so tall, caring, loving, patient, and willing to drove me all around the city. But the truth is, he doesn't even exist. If people are asking, "Then who's the man in your phone?" Oh my God, he's no one. I believe he doesn't even had any idea that I'm exist, because the truth is, I just snapped a picture of a stranger, somewhere inside the Youtube. He's doing that make up thing and I thought, "Oh, this would be a perfect picture of my boyfriend." So from that day, I kept watching him and taking a blur picture of him.
I know. It's truly pathetic.
I'm awkward to people. The only person I'm comfortable with is with my sister because she knew me and she accepted me no matter who I am. The impatience side of me, the kind side of me; simply, every inch of me. The other boys got big fantasies to have a relationship with cool girls, with the iPhone and everything. With the size zero body and Colgate smile. Well, I don't even have any of it. I'm just an ordinary girl. I hate myself every time I look into the mirror in the bathroom. I hate my mouth, my lips, my whole face, unless my eyebrows and my eyes. I hate the rest of my face. They're misplaced by bad genetic arrangements.
No one ever likes me. The only person who ever said he loves me is a cab driver and I'm pretty sure he's that kind of rapist who would make out to any kind of girl he met. The most ridiculous thing is, I'm still dreaming to marry the BAFTA award winner. Or the Academy Award recipient. Or the SAG. Or the Golden Globe. Or any other guy with a major success on movies and is a star in Hollywood.
My neighbor even say that my face looks like a wolf. Like a monster, that I'm not a human. He said, OMG, I still remember his line, "You're ugly. You're so ugly. You look like a wolf, like a monster. Ewh."
I don't know, but at some points, I feel like he hit the Bull's Eye.
Well, yeah, I kinda pity myself right now. My face never looks good in selfie, unlike the other cool girls who would take hundreds of selfie and love every single each of them. I have to take thousands or even millions to find a "not-ugly-selfie-of-myself". I feel like I'm done with the world. Done with everything. I cursed to my birth and I feel sorry because my mom ever waste her time just to give birth to me. I don't know. I don't know, my dear friend.
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