Hey, I'm back again. I don't know, but it feels like I don't care about anything anymore. Well, if you know what I mean. I stopped to care about my clothes, my body, my family, well, kind of everything. I pissed everybody and started to ruin lots of things and I feel entirely okay. I stopped to care about my grades, homework, jobs, everything. When I knew someone was pissed because of me, I was like, "Oh, so be it. I don't give a shit."
I started to piss more people days by days. I don't care about anything anymore. I feel like I'm about to quit school and go to nowhere and start my life all alone. Just by myself. I even start to think that I'm not going to make a family. I feel like I don't want to get married because human is way too complicated. It's easier to live with cats or dogs or even things.
I'm so confused about myself and the world surrounded me. I wanted to be an actress, or well, musician or something, but my parents never let me do so. They always said, "You have to get married and do what we told you to do!" or "We will not let you be an actress. You're going to kiss every actor you meet on the set." or "Be a programmer. Or anything, as long as not an artist. Not something with art. They've got no money." or stuffs that is irritated me so badly. Yes, they did force me to go into a school, with strict regulations and stuffs. With dorm. I definitely hate the idea but I got no choice, folks. Sometimes I dream to fly somewhere so far away that no one could ever find me. Or start a new life without involving anyone I know.
By the way, I started to think about how bizarre I am. I'm a middle child (mentioned this before) and I think I'm the most bizarre one. I fall in love in older people. I mean, waaay much older. I'm in my late teenage years and I fell in love with people like Mark Wahlberg, Mark Strong, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Brad Pitt, Colin Firth, Richard Gere, Tom Cruise, Jude Law, Ethan Hawke, James Franco, Scott Wolf, Edward Burns, Tom Hanks, George Clooney, and those guys in their 40s or 50s instead of Dolan twins, One Direction, 5 SOS, Josh Hutcherson, or Logan Lerman. Well yeah, I love people in their 30s too. But I never fall in love with my classmates. Or at least people who have the same age as I am.
I started to piss more people days by days. I don't care about anything anymore. I feel like I'm about to quit school and go to nowhere and start my life all alone. Just by myself. I even start to think that I'm not going to make a family. I feel like I don't want to get married because human is way too complicated. It's easier to live with cats or dogs or even things.
I'm so confused about myself and the world surrounded me. I wanted to be an actress, or well, musician or something, but my parents never let me do so. They always said, "You have to get married and do what we told you to do!" or "We will not let you be an actress. You're going to kiss every actor you meet on the set." or "Be a programmer. Or anything, as long as not an artist. Not something with art. They've got no money." or stuffs that is irritated me so badly. Yes, they did force me to go into a school, with strict regulations and stuffs. With dorm. I definitely hate the idea but I got no choice, folks. Sometimes I dream to fly somewhere so far away that no one could ever find me. Or start a new life without involving anyone I know.
By the way, I started to think about how bizarre I am. I'm a middle child (mentioned this before) and I think I'm the most bizarre one. I fall in love in older people. I mean, waaay much older. I'm in my late teenage years and I fell in love with people like Mark Wahlberg, Mark Strong, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Brad Pitt, Colin Firth, Richard Gere, Tom Cruise, Jude Law, Ethan Hawke, James Franco, Scott Wolf, Edward Burns, Tom Hanks, George Clooney, and those guys in their 40s or 50s instead of Dolan twins, One Direction, 5 SOS, Josh Hutcherson, or Logan Lerman. Well yeah, I love people in their 30s too. But I never fall in love with my classmates. Or at least people who have the same age as I am.
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