Hey, it's me again, the rebel girl. Today I'm gonna rant. Again, as usual.
So, my bro is about to move to Germany. Oh, great. Now I started to hate myself even more. More and more. Days by days, it'll sum up and one day I'll find myself hating my own reflection in the mirror. Yeah, extremely good. Bloody hell.
Mmm, basically I wanted to rant, but it seems like I'll end up banned from here because I'll definitely write down all kinds of strong languages from shit to bloody hell. So, instead of doing that, I think it's better for me to think about something that startled and harass me recently. O my God, it's my past and I'm trying to let go of it. Sometimes, I could feel the pain and everything and it feels like it's just yesterday. I want to let it go. Just let it disappear and let me start my life like it never happened. Well, it'll be much better if it never happened. But it did happen and it keeps haunting me.
I felt so sick. I'm done with bullshits and everything. I just want to let go of it. Haha, this may sounds melancholy and highly dramatized to you, but whatever. I've seen my page views hours before and it's only 26, so I literally don't care.
But well, to be true, I'm sick of hating. I'm sick of being haunted by the shadow of the past. Sick of being haunted by things that didn't exist. I started to become a weirdo. I started to have an OCD. I keep being disturbed every time I see a cupboard was left open, or if I see books being lined up on a shelf without any order. Sometimes I felt tortured every time I can't do my job just because I see numbers that wasn't the "right number". Like, I'd choose 34 instead of 35. Or, I would choose 43 instead of 42 or 45. But I'd rather choose 45 than 31. Well, to be noticed, I hate it when someone calls this disease as OCD, because it was supposed to be CDO, name it in alphabetical order.
I've stopped talking to her. I turned my back every time I see her, even if it's just her shadow. I killed her in my dreams, a thousand times. I hate to find out that her shadow is still startling me even if she's thousands miles apart. I hate it when I couldn't eat something because every time I smell it, all I have in my mind is her. Her fake smile, her fake frown, everything about her.
I want to let it go. Let her go. Let it escape and never come back. Forgive her.
Sometimes, the hardest thing is not forgiving the one who had been doing something terribly bad. Sometimes all you have to do is forgive yourself. Have mercy on yourself because you let yourself weaker than them once. Forgive yourself because you let them betray you once. Resilience.
So, my bro is about to move to Germany. Oh, great. Now I started to hate myself even more. More and more. Days by days, it'll sum up and one day I'll find myself hating my own reflection in the mirror. Yeah, extremely good. Bloody hell.
Mmm, basically I wanted to rant, but it seems like I'll end up banned from here because I'll definitely write down all kinds of strong languages from shit to bloody hell. So, instead of doing that, I think it's better for me to think about something that startled and harass me recently. O my God, it's my past and I'm trying to let go of it. Sometimes, I could feel the pain and everything and it feels like it's just yesterday. I want to let it go. Just let it disappear and let me start my life like it never happened. Well, it'll be much better if it never happened. But it did happen and it keeps haunting me.
I felt so sick. I'm done with bullshits and everything. I just want to let go of it. Haha, this may sounds melancholy and highly dramatized to you, but whatever. I've seen my page views hours before and it's only 26, so I literally don't care.
But well, to be true, I'm sick of hating. I'm sick of being haunted by the shadow of the past. Sick of being haunted by things that didn't exist. I started to become a weirdo. I started to have an OCD. I keep being disturbed every time I see a cupboard was left open, or if I see books being lined up on a shelf without any order. Sometimes I felt tortured every time I can't do my job just because I see numbers that wasn't the "right number". Like, I'd choose 34 instead of 35. Or, I would choose 43 instead of 42 or 45. But I'd rather choose 45 than 31. Well, to be noticed, I hate it when someone calls this disease as OCD, because it was supposed to be CDO, name it in alphabetical order.
I've stopped talking to her. I turned my back every time I see her, even if it's just her shadow. I killed her in my dreams, a thousand times. I hate to find out that her shadow is still startling me even if she's thousands miles apart. I hate it when I couldn't eat something because every time I smell it, all I have in my mind is her. Her fake smile, her fake frown, everything about her.
I want to let it go. Let her go. Let it escape and never come back. Forgive her.
Sometimes, the hardest thing is not forgiving the one who had been doing something terribly bad. Sometimes all you have to do is forgive yourself. Have mercy on yourself because you let yourself weaker than them once. Forgive yourself because you let them betray you once. Resilience.
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